


The Feeling Of Forever

by ShipwreckedPrincess



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 17:35:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13276488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipwreckedPrincess/pseuds/ShipwreckedPrincess
Summary: This is a companion piece to, "Stronger At The Broken Places." Just a short one shot told from Alex's POV.





	The Feeling Of Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This is in second person which I know is not popular but to continue the theme of the original, it felt necessary. 
> 
> Honestly, I have no idea how this turned out. It's kind of part story, part poem. It's been a truly terrible night and writing distracts me. This idea has been floating around in my head for a while and it seemed like a good time to flesh it out. 
> 
> Hope this is at least somewhat enjoyable!:)

There is a kind of ecstasy in pain, an absolute sadness so complete it's freeing. The sharp edges of agony cut the strings to everything tethering you to your life; responsibilities, family, friends. You feel weightless and free of hope and that's the only thing keeping you afloat. There is nothing and you can manage nothing. 

Kara is worried about you. Letting her in would mean leaving your nothingness, putting on a brave face and tying yourself down again. The darkness is your lifeline now so you push her away. She sends others to check on you but you can't arrange your broken pieces enough to seem whole and they all require parts of you that you cannot give right now. 

It's easy to exist like this; floating around your apartment like a specter. You keep yourself clean and fed. You watch bad TV to drown out some of the loneliness and let bourbon burn away the memories. It's not living, not quite, but it works. 

It works until Lena Luthor shows up on your doorstep in designer clothes and impossibly high heels. She's beautiful and so out of place it's almost comical. Kara sent her, of course, and you are about to ask her to leave when something occurs to you; she doesn't know you. Lena won't expect anything, she won't need you to be okay. It's been so long since you've spoken to anyone, since you've felt anything at all, so you let her in. She changes everything. 

Little by little, Lena becomes a permanent fixture in your life. She edges out your loneliness and replaces it with something like hope. She's there when things get too hard, never scared away by the demons in your head. Then, slowly, she starts chasing those away too. They take the darkness with them and the light you see is almost blinding after so long staring into nothingness. 

Lena is a type of tangible strength, someone who grounds you when the hopeless voices start. The voices telling you that the nothingness is better, that you're not strong enough to go on. You can't hear them when she's close. 

For a while, the little bubble of light and strength you've found in Lena seems temporary. Everyone leaves eventually, surely she will too. But then she doesn't. She stays and she stays. She stays when you start letting people back in, embarrassed by your breakdown and still afraid you're too broken apart to be what they need. She stays and she asks nothing in return. 

You feel an attachment so strong, it shakes you to your core. Somehow, in the healing process, Lena has become more than just a friend. She's a physical embodiment of everything good in you and everything good in the world. Life gets normal again and she doesn't leave you. 

Your heart is still so raw. Happiness is still so fragile. Sometimes you think Lena has feelings for you but her place in your life is too important,vital even, to give much thought to the possibility at first.

 

/////  
Brooke is so pretty, accomplished and interested in you. Lena almost looks hurt when you mention the possibility of a date but she's supportive like she always is. Deep down, in a place you're not ready to examine, it feels like cheating. The fleeting confusion over who's loyalty you might be betraying, Lena's or Maggie's, tells you maybe this date is a needed step in moving forward.

It's fun to have someone so blatantly interested in you. Someone who doesn't make you think the world might be contained within her. Someone who isn't Lena. It's easy, for a while, to let the uncomplicated attention sooth the longing inside you but it's just a balm, it isn't the real thing.

Lena starts to pull away. Imperceptibly, almost, but you can tell. It's like a part of you is going with her. 

You're with Brooke the night it hits you, the moment everything slots into place. Kara and Lena are at the same bar you chose for your date. It's almost like an invisible push from a deity you have never believed in. 

Despite the recent chasm, you fall into an easy rhythm with Lena over drinks. The world falls away and you see something in the way she looks at you, something real and intense. Kara pulls her away before you can fully grasp what is happening. 

Brooke has a look of disappointment and understanding when she pulls you into the bathroom for privacy. She tells you she's known from day one that there is something between you and Lena, you speak of her so often. Seeing her tonight, she tells you, seeing the way you look at her, makes her realize she was right. Lena looks at you like you're her lifeline, Brooke explains, and tells you to be happy before she kisses your cheek and leaves you gaping like a fish out of water. 

Your breath leaves you in a rush, just as surely as if you'd been punched. All the confusion rushes from your lungs. It's so clear. You love her. You are in love with Lena. 

There is a sharp chill to the night as you step outside, a welcome relief from stale air in the bar. You drove here but without even thinking you throw your purse in your vehicle and push the key fob inside the top of your bra.

It's a long walk to Lena's house in heels but you need the time to order your feelings. It makes sense. It all makes perfect sense now; how Lena was the only person who could comfort you, the only person who could get through. Your soul cleaved onto hers the first second you opened your front door all those months ago. If you believed in destiny, you'd swear that Lena was yours.

She opens the door looking small and safe and so, so much like home. She sits rigid and wide eyed while you say your peace and her tears tell you everything you need to know. They're tears of relief and they wash away any shred of doubt there was. 

You fall to your knees and ask her why she stayed silent. Your heart breaks when Lena explains that she's afraid she's not good enough, that she's broken beyond repair. You think back to the very beginning of medical school when you learned about broken bones and healing and how some things are stronger for being broken and you tell her that. You tell her she's stronger for all her pain and that she is enough. So much more than enough. 

You'll never have the words to tell her how much she means to you but the words you find are sufficient it seems. The kiss is sudden and desperate. She tastes like salt and wine. She tastes like yours. 

You fall asleep tangled together. It's hard to tell where she begins and you end. It feels like it's been that way for much longer than you even realize. 

Lena fits so well into your life that the change in your relationship feels like the most natural progression. Somehow you know that the two of you have all the time in the world, know it like it's a written fact, so you take things slow. 

You don't have a lot of experience in love. You know what it feels like, of course. Maggie taught you that. You have never felt the feeling of forever, didn't know it was a feeling until now, but you feel it with Lena. Love and forever. It should be scary but nothing about this scares you and that's how you know its real.

 

/////  
There has been so much pain and betrayal in Lena's life that you're not surprised by her reaction to the first perceived hurdle in your relationship. Some tabloid publishes photos of the two of you in a moment that was meant to be private. It's no one's fault but she falls apart. You've gone off grid on a mission when it happens and it must feel like you have abandoned her in your silence. 

Lena carried you through one of the darkest times in your life, unfailingly facing every monster by your side. You'll gladly do the same for her. Maybe she doesn't feel the forever yet, maybe she's afraid her monsters will be too scary for you to face and that's okay. You will just do for her what she did for you...you'll stay. You will stay and stay and face her monsters with her, you will show her forever.

It takes a little convincing and a lot of gentle reassurance to get Lena to feel the permanence. You're both learning that not everyone leaves. It's a journey and it's more worth it than anything you've ever done. 

 

/////  
It feels like you have loved Lena forever and you want to tell her that in a way that she will always remember. You want a grand gesture but it doesn't happen that way. It's fitting, really, your entire relationship has been hobbled together. It's perfect in it's imperfection and the imperfect way Lena hears you say you love her for the first time should make you feel slighted but it doesn't. Turns out, it isn't the delivery that matters, it's the feeling. 

You can sense Lena's presence as soon as you walk through your door. She's usually in your bed on late nights like these and it's the best part of what is almost always a tough day.

You've been on the phone with Maggie for a while, the entire drive home, and it's not going well. It's still hard to talk to her, still makes you want to cry. It's an odd feeling to be so in love with someone while not being entirety over someone else. Maggie was, is, a huge part of who you are. She'll be one of those people who's mark on your heart never fades, you know this, but it's exhausting and painful to keep going over the past and what could have been so you tell her the truth, that you're in love with someone else. 

The way your hands shake as you dress for bed is unexpected, but the truth of your words ring true. Lena is awake when you crawl into bed, pressing close to her calming warmth. Her breathing gives her away, it's so familiar to you now. You ask if she heard you talking on the phone and she says she did, apologizing for listening in. Of course.

When she flips around in your arms, you worry for a moment that she's going to doubt you, doubt herself, but she doesn't. Lena kisses you softly and asks if you meant it with a small, hopeful tremble in her voice. Without a moment's hesitation you tell her yes and the tremble is gone when she kisses you again and whispers, "me too."

 

/////  
Kara never ceases to amaze you. She takes the relationship between her sister and her best friend with a grace you can only ever hope to achieve. Lena fills you in on the weeks leading up to the confession, on Kara's part in everything and it makes you feel like the luckiest person in the world, to have a sister so selfless and wise. She insists on a dinner party of sorts, a kind of formal game night at her place so that Lena can be formally introduced into your little chosen family as your girlfriend. Lena has met all your friends before, in varying degrees, but it feels big and exciting to have your relationship acknowledged. 

Lena is nervous. People don't usually have positive reactions to her general existence, she tells you, much less positive reactions to her dating someone they love. While everyone you care about is well aware you're in a relationship, she still has nerves you can't sooth away. She puts on a brave face, though, and walks through Kara's door with deep breath. Bravery isn't always an act of heroics, you realize, sometimes it's saying hello to people who scare you to death.

Predictably, Lena gravities toward Kara. She's standing with your sister in the kitchen while you talk to Winn in the living room. She's nervous and ringing her hands and you can't help the thoughts of how adorable she is which leads to thoughts of other things you shouldn't think of in polite company. Her eyes flit between you and J'onn while she says something to Kara. Whatever Kara responds with leaves Lena blushing so hard that you send Winn in to rescue her. 

Lena is smiling when the three of them make their way over to where you are and, not for the first time, you're thankful for your friends. As you set up a board game Kara chooses, you hear James explaining the rules to Lena. It makes your heart swell with affection, to see her included so readily. The kiss you instinctively place on Lena's cheek when you sit next to her earns a round of awes but the sweet moment passes in a flurry of competition that Lena gracefully ducks out of. Competition is not something Lena cares much about, it's different from what you're used to and you love it.

You hear J'onn tell Lena she's good for you when she takes a tentative seat next to him. It's acceptance, in his own way, you know. 

The game doesn't go your way but despite your grumbling, you're all too happy to join Lena on the couch, kissing her gently before cuddling into her side. PDA has never been your thing but it happens almost on reflex now. 

Kara makes a sarcastic comment as she looks over her glasses at you in mock disgust but the tone in her voice is cheerful and the teasing is so normal it makes you giddy. 

The road to this moment has been fraught with more heartbreak and pain than you thought you could survive. Being here, with a woman you love beyond words, with a family you've created with loyalty instead of blood, is worth every ounce of darkness you had to pass through. This is your happy ending. This is your forever.


End file.
